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June 1998 OFF LINE |
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Groomed in the ARFI Groove By Sarita Agarwal
Different Strokes Parent whose 5-year old just said something very embarrassing: Wait till I get you to myself?(A)bort, (R)etry, (P)retend this never happened? When your TV set just won't start up, no matter what: Now what?(A)bort, (R)etry, (S)ell it? Butler to lady of the house: The table leg keeps falling, Ma'am?(A)bort, (R)etry, (T)hreaten with hammer? Committee for planning activities to celebrate 50 years of Independence: Select which you think represents the 50 years?(R)elease 50 tonnes of garbage into the sea, (S)tash 50 kg of gold in a Swiss Bank, (D)rive car backwards from Bandra to Andheri? Tenant to lawyer: The roof just collapsed and it's the middle of the monsoon?(A)bort, (R)etry, (S)ue? Accountant to Manager: Bank has refused the loan?(A)bort, (R)etry, (S)lam fist on desk? One train commuter to another: Lagta hai ab aage nahin jayega?(W)eep, (S)wim, (T)hrow a stone? Hostess to Guest: What would you like to have for a drink?(W)hiskey, (W)ine, (V)odka? Irate client to supplier: Your telephone's always busy; how am I sup-posed to get in touch with you?(M)orse code, (S)emaphore, (T)elepathy? Forgetful professor: Out of me-mory?(W)rite reminder, (U)pgrade, (T)ie a knot? Agitated user to tech support: "I spilt a drink on my hard drive"—Crawl and hide, (P)ray, (T)owelware? Santa Claus to Rudolf the red-nosed reindeer: Must have put on weight, can't slide down the chimney—(A)bort, (R)etry, (C)all them to come 'n get it! Entrepreneur to creditors: Financier's run away—(A)bort, (R)efinance, (D)eclare bankruptcy? Adult trying to open a child-proof cap bottle: Cap not coming off—(A)bort, (R)etry, (C)huck it? In two seconds, her 5-year old has the cap off. Politician (pre-independence) in response to a newly unearthed scandal: Very well then, what would you have me do—(R)esign, (H)ang head in shame, (A)pologise abjectly? Politician (post-independence) in response to a newly unearthed scandal: So it happened; what would you have me do—(D)eclare Emergency, (B)lame foreign hand, (R)efute existence of problem? All in the Windows Dialling program to Internet wannabe—Modem not handshaking—(A)bort, (R)etry, (S)ell MTNL shares? Businessman to banker: There's a recession in the industry—(A)bort, (R)etry, (F)ind another line of work? Irate user to Windows, after nth GPF: I'm getting tired of you—(A)bort, (R)etry, (D)OS? Weary Technology Support guy: Coffee not found—(A)bort, (R)etry, (F)all asleep? FileFind program to user: Nothing found on any drive—(U)pLode, (D)ownLode, (E)xpLode? One helpful message reads: Error reading FAT table—(A)bort, (R)etry, (T)ry SKINNY one? Plausible excuses in the cyber-age, explaining failure to hand in homework: (C)at ate my mouse, (M)odem swallowed my packet, (W)orm wriggled into my file? VSNL (Videsh Sanchar Nigam Ltd.) to Internetsurfer: You are going too fast—(A)bort, (R)etry, (S)lowdown? Program to user: Ready to UNZIP files, permission to proceed—(S)top, (G)o Ahead, (C)lose eyes? Anonymous caller to Society for Moral Rearmament hotline: Someone's mounting a disk drive—(A)bort, (R)etry, (C)all out the vice squad? Operating System to User: Drive A not responding. Format C instead—(S)ure, (G)o Ahead, (F)ine with me? One conference attendee to another: I haven't understood one word of what they've said till now—(R)etry, (L)et's go for a movie, (S)nooze? User-friendly operating system to user: File Not Found. Backup Not Found—(S)cream, (C)ry, (G)imme a drink at least? Discoverer of the Millennium Bug: Gotit—(R)un, (S)quash, (P)ass it on? Hacker to gang: I have got the password file—(E)rase, (D)istribute, (F)reak Out? Microsoft invites public opinion on its next investment: What would you suggest we do with our ill-gotten lucre—(B)uy Snapple, (O)pen a shoestore called ColdBoots R Us, (G)ive a computer to every school? |
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There can be no denying it. Cyberdom
has enriched the English language?phraseology and idiom. Like User-Friendly and Twit
Filter before it, ARFI (Abort, Retry, Fail, Ignore) and its variations can find their way
in the real world. 
