India Today PlusHealth

"It's a Wake-up call"

Jed DiamondJed Diamond is a licensed psychotherapist, certified addictions specialist and the author of several landmark men's issues books of which the latest is Male Menopause. He received his master's degree in Social Work from the University of California at Berkeley in USA and serves on the faculty where he teaches addiction studies. Excerpts from an interview with Raj Rangarajan.

Would you consider yourself a pioneer since the book on this unusual subject is the first of its kind?

Perhaps. Male menopause has been spoken about for more than 40 years, but we haven't taken it seriously. It has been mentioned more in the context of jokes: `He is going through menopause, got himself a red sports car, that's why he is dating much younger women....' And stuff like that. Certainly, in the research I did over the past four years, we determined that the concept in its broadest sense is a physiological, hormonal change that interacts with psychological, social and spiritual dimensions that occur in all men's lives generally between the ages of 40 and 55. It could start as early as 35 and end as late as 65. I see this book as a trailblazer and a guide for the future for at least five to 10 years.

Does a man's job or occupation have anything to do with the early or late advent of male menopause?

Yes--there are links with stress levels in men and jobs that disconnect a man from his spiritual body. Men with mindless, repetitive jobs, and those who are out of touch, are likely to go through menopause in a more difficult manner. The more conscious we are about stress levels the better. I believe that all reactions which we call male menopause are signals or wake-up calls that are trying to tell us that we should move on to another part of life. One thing I want to tell men is that this is not the beginning of the end, as many men fear, it's really the end of the beginning. It is actually the end of the first half of our life and beginning of the second. If we keep avoiding this like so many men do, it's a form of denial. Unfortunately, men wait till they have some kind of problem....I would rather they read the book and prevent the problem. There's no going around the problem, except through it. Men should know this is a guide, a set of tools that will help them go through this period in the most helpful, most productive way. There's more to life than sex, let's face it.

What about mood swings? Are there people who never experience such symptoms?

Most men do and most also try to cover it. There are three signs of male menopause: First is loss of short-term memory, and I can't remember the other two! Emotional ups and downs and mood swings are very common. Most common psychological symptoms are: irritability and indecisiveness; unexplainable anxiety and fear; loss of self confidence, or depression; loss of purpose or direction in life; and feeling lonely, unattractive, and unloved. Again, men have tended not to associate changes with bodily changes, but refer to menopause more as something feminine, something only women go through with bleeding and what have you. The male is a prissy (finicky) old guy, a guy going through mid-life problems. These are actual changes associated with real changes in the body, and the emotional state; if you understand them and know how to deal with them, you don't have to feel depressed. At this age, there's a loss of sexual function and a high rate of suicide...these are things that could be prevented as long as we give men the tools to handle their problems. Figuratively speaking, it's like waiting till the car breaks down...the man would go to the local mechanic for an oil change, but would not go to the right places to get the right information to keep his body running.

Is it possible that male menopause does not affect some people at all?

In adolescence, the hormones change, there's a change in life, and again, during menopause, the hormones change. Some men sail through it breezily, some go through it with difficulty, some just don't make it, some give up easily and die. Others perhaps have minor changes, but nobody avoids it.

Some non-western cultures do not emphasise sex too much. Is the problem more serious in those countries?

Let me answer it this way...there's a kind of sexuality that is appropriate to the first half of life, which is more biologically driven, more involved in reproduction. For men, it's that ready-to-do-anytime-anywhere-with-anyone syndrome, that is, there is a high level of genital sexuality. But, in the second half of life, in a healthy man, you do not lose that oomph. In fact, hopefully, if you stay healthy, you keep your erections intact without too much impotence that's so common at this stage, you also have a deepened and broad sexuality, a much more sensual and intimate relationship, which is more broad-based in the whole body and spirit, rather than being just genetically focused. That concept is perhaps understood better in places like India and the East than in USA. In a sense, if we don't keep our first youthful sexuality, we don't have any sexuality and what I argue is, we must recognise a much deeper, more expanded sexuality. If we can understand and embrace this idea, it keeps us young and vital and sexual, but not necessarily orgasmic-oriented all the time, just to have intercourse mechanically.

I notice that you have devoted more than a chapter to mentoring. Why is it so important to be a mentor?

If you look at the evolution and history of the species, it becomes clear that every child needs parenting. All children don't get it, but nobody will really argue that a child doesn't need a father and a mother. Extending that philosophy, I believe that one cannot be a healthy mother or father if you don't have the support of elders or mentors for younger folk, in short, like direct connectors to the youth. By the same token, one cannot be a healthy 50-, 60- or 70-year-old if you don't take on that task which is inherent in being a mentor to the young. So, mentoring is absolutely necessary for the young people, the older people and also for society in order to have a healthy and functional world.

Are there any formal or informal support groups that help in this mentoring process?

Not as such. But, since the book's come out, lots of people have talked to me about getting together, some in informal groups, but nothing formal. I have been talking to several groups and I'll be introducing the concept to a group of 5,000 professionals in San Francisco in March 1998 at the 44th National Meeting of the American Society on Aging.

Finally, are you exploring any new areas? Another book perhaps?

I have been working on another, titled Wild Women and Gentle Men: Understanding the Mid-life Gender Shift in Sex, Love and Power. When we get to be 50 and beyond, men start taking on many of the qualities that women had in the first phase of life, and women tend to become more outgoing and aggressive, and less sentimental. Men in turn start becoming more inward and sensitive, caring and nurturing. And, if we do not understand it one would think that men have lost their manhood a bit, and women have become more manly. But, it is perhaps a genetically based, universal pattern as we see it more and more in cultures throughout the world--a kind of role reversal takes place.

The Fact  File Lifestyle Recommendations to Handle Change Support and Networking

 

 

Top

Write To Us   Subscriptions

© Living Media India Limited

Back forw.gif (313 bytes)