BY DILIP BOBB

Uttar Confusion

With the revolting turn of events in Uttar Pradesh, the situation is beginning to resemble a scene out of the World Wrestling Federation -- blood, gore, match-fixing and muscle power. The confusion and instability mean that nobody quite knows who's coming and who's going. The worst hit are hosts of television's talking head shows who have to struggle to make sense of the confusion. Here's a typical example.

Distinguished Television Host (DTH): We have a distinguished panel of guests who are going to make sense out of the present chaos. First, to clear up the situation in Uttar Pradesh, I would like to call on the political adviser to the bsp, Mr Narendra Singh, to...

Narendra Singh: Sorry to contradict you, but I have just resigned from the bsp. It is a party of defectors, I mean dictators. That Mayawati was behaving like Dawood Ibrahim, holding us to ransom. I have been shouting myself hoarse for so many months...

DTH: Who are you supporting now?

Singh: The hoarse trading has been going on, like I said. I have to consult my supporters. Two have been beaten up by Kanshi Ram and are in hospital. The other two are still being held hostage by Mayawati. I am supporting Kalyan Singh.

DTH: Well, on to our next guest from Uttar Pradesh, Mr Naresh Aggarwal, who is a leading member of the Congress Legislature Party.

Aggarwal: Was. I too am revolted and I am hosting my own party. We are supporting Kalyan Singh.

DTH: This is all very confusing for us political analysts. Now our next guest may be able to throw some light on the issue. He is a leading light of the Janata Dal.

Rajaram Pandey: Not any more. We represent a breakaway faction and my supporters are behind Kalyan Singh.

DTH: How many supporters do you have?

Pandey: Three, including myself. But this is not a numbers game, it is a question of values. My value is much higher as a rebel than it was as a member of the JD.

DTH: Now, to be on the safe side, we will call on the UPCC President Jitendra Prasada.

Prasada: No side is safe anymore. My supporters are very upset and ready to defect.

DTH: Defect to Kalyan Singh?

Prasada: No, to the new UPCC President, Narain Dutt Tiwari.    

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