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LIVING
Much Married ManNine wives, 30 children, a 161-member family. This Gujarati
is a statistician's delight -- not to speak of political parties wooing his very own
vote bank.
By Uday Mahurkar
Tagaji Bhikaji takes his job as family
patriarch rather seriously. He's been married nine times, has six surviving wives, 16
sons, 14 daughters and heads a clan -- children, grandchildren, great grandchildren, the
works -- an astonishing 161-strong. At 76, this bamboo basket mini-tycoon from Deesa, a
little town in north Gujarat, has problems putting a number to the size of his family. His
life is an existential paradox: his youngest son -- three-year-old Ummedsinh -- is younger
than one of his great grandsons.
Nevertheless, Tagaji is at peace with himself; and it is a
peace even a man with just one wife would envy: "It's all God's will. We are mere
actors in his hands." Quite possible; but what of those petty man-made laws banning
polygamy? Pat comes the answer: "Since we are illiterate we don't know the law. We
only follow our community's customs."
Truly, multiple marriages run in the family. Tagaji's father
Bhikaji had seven wives himself -- and 32 children. To quote a proud Tagaji, Bhikaji's
progeny "are in thousands and not hundreds because quite a few of my step-brothers
have more than one wife". So do, in fact, two of Tagaji's sons. No wonder the Tagaji
household, with its 100-odd voters, sees keen canvassing by a variety of political parties
every election.
Over 59 years of matrimony, Tagaji's domestic management has
sharpened. He spends one day in the week with each of his six wives. Presumably, on the
seventh day he rests. Whether it's being with eldest wife, Maniben, 68, on Saturday or the
youngest Sodhi, 30, on Sunday, the man takes change with equanimity. Every wife has a
two-room set to herself and cooks all Tagaji's meals on the day allotted to her.
The other principle for promoting marital equity is never
buying individual gifts. Confides Tagaji: "Even if it is a small ring, I get it for
all of them. That's actually the secret of my success as a husband." Tagaji also
bears the medical and clothing expenses of all his wives and those sons who live in his
residential complex. Yet, the expenses of grandsons are met by their respective fathers.
Perhaps this home-grown decentralisation was inevitable for, as Tagaji's son Ishwar, 55
(two wives, seven children), puts it, "He may be a good manager of his large family
but the fact remains he doesn't remember the names of all his grandchildren and great
grandchildren.
What made Tagaji a sought-after groom was his relative
prosperity. He has 40 employees who weave some 250 baskets daily, leaving him with a
monthly income of Rs 25,000. His sons are in the same trade. Further, Tagaji is the mukhi
or headman of his backward Vaanswadi community. In fact, with his flowing beard, twirled
moustache and traditional headgear he is the very picture of the chieftain. Fellow
Vaanswadis bring their quarrels to his doorstep or transport him, all expenses paid, to
Surat, Rajkot, even Mumbai or Jodhpur, to play arbiter in their disputes. Toying with her
husband's 12 bore gun, Patti, 35, wife No. 5, exclaims, "This completes the king-like
aura around him."
Just how Tagaji's harem kept expanding makes for interesting
stories. Says one son, Balwant, 32, and the only member of the family who is literate
enough to sign his name: "The parents of my many mothers obviously saw in him a groom
who could keep their daughters in style, with his money and status." Others call
Tagaji a rather imaginative moneylender, who asked creditors incapable of repaying to give
him their daughters.
Whatever the truth, he obviously pleased his many sets of
in-laws. Dhapu, 62, wife No. 2, and Shanta, wife No. 3, now dead, were sisters. Patti and
Sodhi are first cousins -- and nieces of Maniben. On their part, the wives display a
strange camaraderie. Says Diwaliben, 51, wife No. 4: "We often wash each other's
clothes and treat each other as sisters. In case of a difference, the word of Maniben, the
seniormost, is final."
The Tagaji undivided family really comes into its own in the
evenings, when its home -- a commune, for all practical purposes -- sees much merrymaking.
The clan being rather dipsomaniacal, as the night sets in, almost all of Tagaji's clan --
wives, sons, granddaughters-in-law, everybody -- hit the bottle. It is not uncommon to see
Patti, already high on the local brew, smoking a bidi; or Dhapu barely able to walk.
Occasionally they break into the rambunctious folk dance to the tune of the dholak.
To the residents of Deesa, this highly unconventional family
is something of a "phenomenon". Explains Vijay Bharot, a local photographer:
"Tagaji and his family have emerged as a kind of tourist attraction. Visitors to
Deesa land up at his place on hearing of him." Tagaji has also earned himself a
reputation as a canny businessman. This may be why a merchant who frequently deals with
the family says, "Money and liquor are what they value most."
All in all, in becoming the USP of nondescript Deesa, Tagaji
has more than repaid his family's debt to its adopted home. The town has nurtured it for
the past 100 years, ever since Tagaji's grandfather Ramaji migrated to Deesa from Sindh.
Ramaji, it may be added, had merely one wife. |