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India Today, July 5, 1999
July 5, 1999


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FLIPSIDE
Between the Hotlines

By Dilip Bobb

For what is called a hotline, these particular telephone conversations would be pretty frigid. However, Prime Minister Atal Bihari Vajpayee is known to keep a cool head in the heat of the moment. Presumably, he would keep it short and sweet, and it would be safe to assume that the std bills at the Prime Minister's Office never go through the roof. What exactly is the content of these conversations between him and his Pakistani counterpart? Now that India has mastered the art of telephone tapping, here's how the last telephone call went:

Nawaz Sharif: Hello, can you hear me? There's a lot of disturbance on this line.

Vajpayee: That was me grinding my teeth in anger. How dare you cross the LoC? This is a declaration of war.

Sharif: What was that? The Declaration of Lahore? Yes, I agree it was an excellent document. It was destined to bring us closer.

Vajpayee: I was not aware that the clause about bringing our two nations closer meant that your people would cross the border. The declaration clearly specified that we would make all attempts to remove all bottlenecks as expeditiously as possible.

Sharif: Talking about removing bottlenecks, how was your visit to Kargil?

Vajpayee: Just like my visit to Lahore. I was given a 21-gun salute by your soldiers. We will not take this lying down. Hum akramak ...

Sharif: Talking about Akram, did you watch the match on television? I thought your boys put up a good fight, even though it was a practice match.

Vajpayee: (Sputtering): This is no time to talk about cricket. This is about crossing the boundary and violating the spirit of the Lahore Declaration.

Sharif: Not at all. The Lahore Declaration stated that the two foreign ministers would meet as often as possible. They have just met. It declared that we would facilitate travel between the two countries. That has also happened. It pledged to continue this warm exchange. Even that temperature has been raised. We have followed the spirit of the declaration, even if the letters have been changed here and there.

Vajpayee: This is eyewash. The declaration also stated that the two sides shall refrain from interference in each other's internal affairs. This is a clear violation of Lahore, not to mention the loc.

Sharif: Your own defence minister has given us safe passage and a clean chit. In any case, these are only porters trying to earn a living. It's an uphill task, poor fellows.

Vajpayee: Porters? Next you'll be calling them Red Cross workers or the Sisters of Mercy. Even the G8 has seen through your charade.

Sharif: Pakistan has welcomed the G8 statement. It endorses our line and supports our position that we are a peace-loving people and India is the aggressor. It also lauds us for our restraint and adherence to international law. Maybe not in that exact language, but close enough ...

Vajpayee: I give up.

Sharif: Can I have that in writing?

 

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