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India Today, February 15, 1999
Feb 15, 1999

FLIPSIDE
Endangered Species

By Dilip Bobb

Fans of the WWF will be glad to know that the organisation, after wrestling with its conscience, has expanded its list of endangered species in India to include some which were previously considered relatively safe from predators and poachers. With the incidence of attacks by wildlife showing an alarming increase all over the country, it couldn't have come at a more opportune time. Here's the various species that the new list now includes.

Party Spokesmen: It's called the spoke in the wheel syndrome, and it's been proving highly injurious to political health. The species can be easily identified by its habit of putting its feet in its mouth, which makes it extremely difficult to cling on to their perch, as two prominent members, Mani Shankar Aiyer and Madan Lal Khurana, showed. Khurana, despite his courageous stand against preservation of wildlife in protected areas, a.k.a the Home Ministry, was also shown the door. However, the root cause of his expulsion supports the popular Indian saying that Bajrang Dal me kuch kala hai.

Congressmen: Female members of the Gandhi family have always been zealous protectors of the environment, or the Environment Ministry for that matter. But under Sonia's stewardship, Congressmen of the male species are feeling increasingly threatened. Under the old rules, old-timers like R.K. Dhawan were protected by older-timers like Sitaram Kesri. However, their lack of social graces and inability to discuss important environment issues like the future of the Shatoosh Shawl, means that Congresswomen now have a higher rate of survival than their male counterparts.

Maharashtra Chief Ministers: Like the Pakistan cricket team, Shiv Sena chief ministers are an increasingly threatened species in Maharashtra. Manohar Joshi, like Saurav Ganguly, was clearly given out to a bad decision by the umpire. And Bal Thackeray, like all fanatical cricket fans, must be hoping that Rane doesn't wash out play in the coming test. But whim or lose, it is becoming a highly endangered position, one which can, at the press of a remote control button, instantly end up on the History channel.

Missionaries: Perhaps the most endangered of all, considering the burning desire among religious fanatics to stop them from extending their habitat in vulnerable forest and tribal areas. Since this is a government-approved project, poachers and other wild animals will be put under the Wildlife Protection Act, which seems to be the case with the Saffron Goons, a species that shows cannibalistic tendencies and is characterised by aggressive, uncontrollable behaviour.

The Prime Minister: Another highly endangered species, considering the number that has come and gone in the past few years. Experts say that excessive procreation and the recent trend of mixed breeding with incompatible partners has led to the current crisis. This mixing of the genetic pool means the current prime minister has been under constant threat and could become extinct very shortly, unless drastic measures are taken.

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