BY DILIP BOBB

Travel Advisory

It's the season when everyone wants a break, and not just the kind being contemplated in Gujarat. With the winter of discontented party-goers -- and comers -- in full swing, domestic tourists now have a variety of interesting getaways where they can re-educate themselves on their country's glorious contemporary culture. Here's the latest travel advisory by the Indian Tourist Board.

Lucknow: Though heavily oversold, there's plenty of new, educative attractions for the visitor. Kids will enjoy watching the latest entry in the Guinness Book of Records, the largest cabinet ever created. Equally educational is to witness how India's famous anti-defection law is being consigned to history. Additional attraction: visits to the Assembly to witness a mock recreation of the battle of Kurukshetra, using the latest missile technology.

Tamil Nadu-Karnataka: For adventure-lovers, a great time to visit the forests bordering the two states where the legendary outlaw Veerappan is expected to emerge anyday now. Or maybe not. The suspense is killing and the main attraction is that you could take part in a lucky draw where winners experience the thrill of being kidnapped, held to ransom, and then released after getting your picture taken with the most wanted man in India.

Bangalore: Tourists, mostly from Haryana, are flocking to the city to witness the rare sight of Chief Minister J.H. Patel after sundown. For years, Patel has disappeared from public view after the sun sets. Having made no attempt to scotch rumours that he was communing with spirits, he has now officially kicked the habit. Patel-watching is the hot new attraction with bets being laid on whether abstinence will triumph over absence.

Assam: Another educational experience where visitors can enjoy the three-ring circus involving Tata Tea, the state Government and ulfa. Added attraction: free medical treatment for outsiders.

Delhi: Literally the hottest destination with no death of attractions -- from bombs to Blue Line buses. The only city where the police commissioner can be seen on patrol duty, and, after Queen Elizabeth's criticism, garbage collection is on the rise -- garbage heaps have got bigger. Added attraction: a spot-the-leader contest for those who can actually spot the leader; no one has been able to succeed so far.

NB: The above contests are not open to a certain I.K. Gujral who has been banned from all travel. 

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