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FLIPSIDE Campaign Con By Dilip Bobb
Somewhere amidst the clogged drains, non-existent roads and dry taps is a vote waiting to be caste. The psephologists are back to flogging some dead horses, exit polls are being cleverly concealed as projections and newspapers are headlining voter turnout figures as if they contain all the secrets of the electoral universe. But nobody can explain why, despite so many broken promises and even more broken-down services, the average villager votes the same people back to power. Here's why. Candidate: Brothers and sisters. I come to you with folded hands and bowed in gratitude. That's why they call me the I-come-bent candidate. Angry Voter: You have not come at all. That's all we know. You haven't been back since the last election. We voted for you because you promised to raise our standard of living. Candidate: But I have. You are now living some two feet higher than you were when I was here last. Angrier Voter: That's because of the clogged drains, the piles of cowdung and rubbish heaps. We should have smelled a rat the last time. What have you done for us? Candidate: It's only been a year since the last election. How much can one man do in a year? You are my family. It is a pity that I have such a large family which means that there are too many mouths to fool ... I mean feed. But I promise you, if you vote me back to power I, Bole Nath, shall turn this constituency into a land of milk and honey ... Angriest Voter: What's that? Candidate: Never mind. Let me explain my shortcomings and goings. The government gives us a measly Rs 1 crore to develop the constituency. What can one do with that when there are so many people to be fed? Angry Voter: Like whom? None of us have eaten for days. Candidate: The list is very long. There's the dc, the ADC, the mc, the BDO, the sob. Then there's the SIL, the ... Angrier Voter: Who is the sob and SIL? Candidate: Son of Bole Nath and Son-in-Law. After all, we are all one big family, and there are many mouths to feed ... Angry Voter: So why shouldn't we vote for your opponent? Candidate: Because his family is even bigger than mine. Now, let me tell you how the development process works. It's very simple. As a two-time winner, I will have more clout. I can then get a minister to visit the constituency. For that, the local administration will have to do up some roads, clean some drains, remove the rubbish. That's called development. Angriest Voter: What about employment for our sons? Candidate: That is the third stage. When you vote for me during the next election, it will make me a three-time winner. That ensures the cm will come visiting. Before that, the local administration will have to set up some schemes to show him where all the money has gone ... now, the fourth stage means the pm ... |
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