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FLIPSIDE War and Piece By Dilip Bobb
The Kiss of Death: A potentially dangerous flashpoint is when the Pakistani envoy appears in The Company of Women accompanied by female members of his family. Indian men, according to well-placed sauces in the Pakistan press, are all lecherous, bigoted, anti-Muslim fanatics who will use any excuse to violate the womanhood of innocent Pakistani girls. This is usually done at special events disguised as book launches. The violation itself is disguised as a grandfatherly peck on the cheek. This particular flashpoint is called extreme prejudice in Pakistan. In India, it's called missing the buss. Pow! Biff! Bang!: Another major flashpoint concerns the exchange of pows. Both sides seem to see red and get very cross over a simple thing like handing over Prisoners of War, even though there hasn't officially been a war. This can lead to some very hostile exchanges, or non-exchanges, since both sides seem unwilling to take back their own soldiers. Diplomats refer to this as the Stockholm Syndrome, where the prisoners are given a chance to get fond of their captors. Others refer to it as Age-Reversal, also known as regression into petulant childish behaviour. UN Chatter: United Nations diplomats cringe in their headsets whenever the Indian or Pakistani representative gets up to speak. Post-Kargil, the Inevitable Declaration of Human Rights has acquired a more strident tone. The result: whether it is dismember or dat member, most delegates know more about Kashmir than their own countries. In the UN, it's called The Big Yawn. Jaswant Singh calls it something else, exactly what will only be known once he stops mumbling. Mine Is Bigger Than Yours: The Indo-Pakistan missile race has turned into a case of you show me yours and I'll show you mine. Never mind that millions of their countrymen are starving or that Development has been translated into Deployment. The Pakistanis call it fighting Agni with Agni. The Indians call it Abdul tera Kalaam. Psychologists call it Penis-envy. Lighting The Matches: The next flashpoint could be the next cricket match between India and Pakistan. Since official contests are banned, this one will, in the interests of security, be sponsored by Semtex, held in east Timor, televised by TNT and feature all the players suspected of being involved in throwing crucial games. As Kargil proved, soldiers get more charged up when their team wins. Pakistan calls it macho-fixing. Indians call for a nuclear test. |
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