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By Dilip Bobb

The Central Bureau of Investigation is making sure that it doesn't drop any catches in its efforts to get to the bottom of the match-fixing scandal. Even though denials are flying thick and fast and most cricketers being interviewed are ducking questions with more aplomb than they did Courtney Walsh's bouncers, the agency has come up with a set of questions to avoid any slip-ups on its part. Here's the questionnaire, in betting order.

Q1. Have you ever met any of the following?

a) A bookie who was not an Indian.
b) An Indian who is not a bookie.
c) A South African who knows a non-Indian bookie.

Q 2. Have you ever been introduced to strange men in suites by ex-captains? If so, answer the following:

a) Did they have the initials MK?
b) Did they offer you a mobile phone?
c) Were the exchanges foreign?

Q 3. Have you ever lost matches to:

a) Canada?
b) UAE?
c) Kenya?

Q 4. Do you own any of the following?

a) Mercedes Benz/BMW.
b) More estate than DLF or the Rahejas.
c) A closet full of Italian suits.

Q 5. Have you ever done any of this?

a) Broke down and cried.
b) Had an unexpected visit from Manoj Prabhakar.
c) Made a voluntary disclosure.

Q 6. Were you witness to any of the following actions?

a) The raised finger of umpire Javed Akhtar.
b) A teammate rubbing his thumb and forefinger in your direction.
c) Star Indian batsmen not getting out and costing India a key match.

Q 7. Do you have a locker in your local club? If so, what sort of dirty linen do you keep in the locker? Has it been subjected to the following?

a) Washed in public.
b) Declared to income tax authorities.
c) When was the last time it was laundered?

Q 8. What is your interpretation of the cricketing term "square cut"?

a) Adequate payment for services rendered.
b) Betting money shared by four key players.
c) A legitimate cricketing shot.

Q 9. Should the following suggestions be implemented?

a) Stop the Indian team from playing cricket against stronger sides. In other words, against anyone not a member of the ICC.
b) Ban crowds from Indian matches to avoid getting taken for a ride.
c) Stop cricket board officials like J. Lele from correctly predicting the outcome of matches before they are played.

Q 10. In your view, will the booking of bookies, action against guilty players and cleaning up the game result in the following?

a) India winning more matches.
b) India losing more matches.
c) None of the above.

Q 11. When you see an Indian cricketer accused of match-fixing endorsing a certain product, does it inspire you to do the following?

a) Rush out and buy the product.
b) Rush out of the television room.
c) Rush out and buy the player.

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