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FLIPSIDE
Sights Unseen
By
Dilip Bobb
There
are certain sights and situations that all Indians would like to see happen.
A majority of these would take a couple of decades to list but there's
no harm in dreaming that some of them could come to pass in our lifetime.
Of course, that is also what our founding fathers had envisaged, but somehow
the thought and the deed never quite came together. However, there are
some sights that are not that difficult to imagine. Here are a few.
 No
War-like Noises Pact: This applies to those embarrassing occasions
when the leaders of India and Pakistan meet at an international summit
and reduce a debate on the world's most pressing issues to a childish
display of petulance and paranoia. The fact that this unseemly scene is
played out so often and with no variations in tone or content only adds
to the farce. Since a no-war pact is out of the question, the two leaders
signing a no war-like noises pact would make more sense. Now if only they
could agree on a mutually acceptable site ...
The Hammer
and Suckle: Symbolically similar to the above in that it sets out
a realistic time-table for a cease-fire between Mamata Banerjee and Jyoti
Basu in West Bengal. They both see red at the sight of each other, which,
unfortunately, is also the colour of the blood that's being spilled as
the two sides do battle. It's hardly likely that the two will be found
billing and cooing like a honeymoon couple in a dark corner of Calcutta's
maidan. But if they agreed to use less hammer and more suckle, it could
be the birth of a new revolution.
Lie-Detector
Tests: Whether the prime minister's remark confirming his status as
a committed "Swayamsevak" was a slip of the tongue or a statement
of intent, it laid the foundations for another round of questions on credibility,
despite his belated clarification. One practice we'd all like to see is
our leaders being given lie-detector tests before assuming office. This
would disqualify 99.9 per cent of all politicians, which can't be a bad
thing at all.
Eliminating
the KBC Wave: Television viewers may be obsessed with Kaun Banega
Crorepati and its designer host, but if there's one jarring note it's
the sight of all those contestants waving at our television screens and
resembling an assembly line for windshield wipers. Maneka Gandhi had made
similar comparisons regarding Sonia Gandhi and Priyanka at election meetings,
but this is 10 times worse. We'd prefer it if they spared us the sight
of those sweaty palms being waved in some bizarre community ritual, specially
since nine of them are never seen or heard of again.
A Place
on the Podium: Judging by India's preparation for international athletic
events like the Olympics, and the fact that we usually send more officials
than athletes to the Games, an Indian foot should step onto the winner's
podium sometime in the next millennium, when disciplines like buck-passing
and back-stabbing become recognised Olympic sports. Watch this space every
four years.
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