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FLIPSIDE
Oh!
Dear
By
Dilip Bobb
In
this age of mobile communication and e-mail the art of letter writing
is fading fast. Soon, most people will have forgotten how to put pen to
paper, which can cause major problems in certain situations. Some samples:
Dear
Mr Kher,
This
may sound like a Hindi film script, but The God of Game Shows (alias TRP)
has decided that you, Manisha Koirala and SDCK are three sides of a very
obtuse triangle. And since you two, more rather than less, wind up saying
the same thing, one of you will have to be eliminated. We took an audience
poll and the vote goes against you. It is, after all, Sawal Dus Crore
Ka. However, we are pleased to enclose a gold coin worth Rs 10,000 and
a copy of Television News.
Be Zeeing You,
Subhash Chandra
Dear
Ms Banerjee,
This
is in response to your letter of resignation. It is in the true spirit
of self-sacrifice and Gandhian principles, qualities for which you are
admired by all of us in the BJP and among your cabinet colleagues in the
NDA. Accidents do happen and all share the dread of being derailed when
we are embarked on such an exciting journey together. It will not be the
same without you occupying an upper berth in the Cabinet. I am therefore
happy/privileged/grateful/delirious at the chance to refuse to accept
your resignation. And all the rest that will surely follow.
Your biggest fan,
Atal Bihari Vajpayee.
Dear
Mr Rathore,
You were
doing a wonderful job in controlling the law and order situation in Haryana.
Ever since the incident in Meham many years ago, I have always believed
that a few broken heads or cases of molestation are a necessary price
to pay for the greater goal. I became chief minister, didn't I? If all
police officers were like you, there wouldn't be a single crime worth
the fir it's written on. Enjoy your leave. If you need any further recommendations,
let me know.
Om Prakash Chautala.
Dear
Priyanka,
The nation
is going through a crisis. There's darkness everywhere ever since we lost
our status as a VIP constituency and they cut the free electricity. The
factories are shut, there's no work. We need another Gandhi to lead us
to the promised land. You are the only one who can save us, our families,
the party, the country, and usher in world peace. You have our blessings.
Yours in anticipation,
The voters of Amethi
Darling
Hrithik,
We are all
shocked to hear that you are planning on getting married shortly. We would
like to warn you of the consequences. The week after your wedding, film
magazines will say your marriage is on the rocks, that you are involved
with your latest co-star and your career is finished. As the man on whom
rests the future of the industry, please don't go through with this.
Yours in dread,
The Indian Film Industry Association
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