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FLIPSIDE
The
Year Ahead ... Sort of
By
Dilip Bobb
 January
is that time of the year when sundry astrologers and those with crystal
balls pop out of the woodwork and serenade us with their predictions for
2001. So far, it's only been routine stuff: the PM's knee will not bend
... sort of; Sonia will sail on ... sort of; India will emerge as a superpower
... sort of. That sort of thing. Here are some more likely events to liven
up the year ahead.
The PM
Clarifies His Stand: The prime minister will finally clarify his stand
on the Ayodhya temple controversy. Issued in the form of a letter to a
newspaper (exactly which one will be unclear), his clarification, titled
"Amusing", will seem to suggest that he is against the proposed
construction of a temple in Ayodhya. However, the long pauses and gaps
between sentences will also suggest that he believes that there is a national
sentiment in favour of the move. Those sections of the Indian public which
are not amused will have to wait till his next holiday to find out what
his stand really is.
President's
Rule in West Bengal: President's rule will be imposed in West Bengal
following rumours of a bloody battle between Mamata Banerjee and Jyoti
Basu over the former chief minister's refusal to step down, even though
he had announced his retirement from public office. The battle will reportedly
take place in Writers' Buildings. No one is sure of what happened, but
Mamata will emerge showing her bruises and dishevelled appearance (though
that is fairly normal) and threaten to resign from the NDA Government
unless President's rule is imposed.
Bollywood's
Worst Year: The Hindi film industry will face its worst year ever
following the hold-up of all films financed by Bharat Shah. Of the other
three releases during the year, two will flop. The only silver lining
will be the Hrithik Roshan starrer, shot in Switzerland, London and New
Zealand, which features him as a CBI investigator taking on Dubai-based
dons trying to muscle into the Indian film industry.
Veerappan
surrenders after kidnap drama: India's most wanted brigand Veerappan
will surrender meekly after his most sensational kidnapping to date. Three
days after kidnapping former chief minister Jayalalitha, he will be found
sobbing and tearing out his moustache. When interviewed by the police,
he will reveal that she had made life hell for him by her habit of breaking
out into song and demanding he sing along "just like Simi Garewal
did". He will also reveal that she demanded a change of clothes and
shoes every three hours and that he pay her a fee as compensation.
Women's
Groups Revolt: Women's groups, led by Arundhati Roy, will revolt against
the Indian market being flooded by desi versions of Viagra and its threat
to the population problem. They will erect barriers and protest against
their bodies being violated and men making excessive demands on their
time and energy. Demanding that this flood must be stopped, they will
stage a massive dharna at the Qutab Minar.
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METRO TODAY
Sagarika
Ghose's The Gin Drinkers is easily the best diaspora novel set in India
and an account of existential dilemmas of Indian PLUs , writes INDIA TODAY
Deputy Editor Swapan Dasgupta in 
