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LIVING: MISMATCHED MARRIAGES
Perverse Ties
Young girls are believed to make better wives. So
ageing men make cynical deals with profit-seeking parents.
By Rohit Parihar in Rohili
 Shafi
Khan Janija could not have been happier. At 40, he is at his radiant best,
his dyed cotton headgear gleaming against the desert. Behind him the sun
has just set, symbolising not just the end of the day but the end of a
phase in his life. As the Langa tribals in front of him sway to a romantic
folk strain, Janija contemplates life with Satbai, his lovely bride, one
of the tallest girls in town.
Satbai, just 14, is sitting half a kilometre
away, swathed in customary gold whose glitter cannot hide the sadness
in her eyes. Not that anyone in her family notices. All that matters is
the Rs 25,000 the marriage has fetched them, besides Janija's 12-year-old
sister as a bride for Satbai's brother who is 22. It's a winning deal
for them.
The villagers of Rohili couldn't agree more.
In the districts of Rajasthan like Jaisalmer and Barmer-under which Rohili
falls-this is a sign of keeping up with the times. Child-marriage in which
both partners are minors is out. Marriages with big disparity in the ages
of the bride and groom have become more common, especially among the five
lakh Muslims in the region. "This trend to exchange money for daughters
is driven by greed and is spreading like an epidemic," says Qasim
Khan Janija, a villager.
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Nihal Khan, 60, with wife Bakhtu, 16, and
son. He paid Roshan Khan Rs 50,000 for Bakhtu...
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But greed is only one factor. There are other
compulsions too. Patriarchal tradition in these areas decrees that the
younger the girl the more useful she can be-whether to run a house, bear
children or merely serve as a sex slave. In Nage Ka Par village of Barmer
district, Nihal Khan, 60, has just had a son from his second wife Bakhtu,
16. He had four daughters from his first wife but yearned for a son. A
youthful second wife was the only answer. Roshan Khan was willing to marry
off his daughter if he was paid Rs 50,000. And given Nihal's 11-year-old
daughter Bikhi for his wife. The swap materialised, the old men are happy.
But Bikhi has already suffered a miscarriage and a still birth. Her stepsons
from Roshan's first wife are married and almost double her age. Roshan,
of course, couldn't care less. "You have to have a woman," he
says emphatically.
Bikhi is expressionless. As she goes about her
household chores, her hands keep in place the veil that covers her head
and her upper arms which are covered by plastic bangles. It's an age-old
custom here for the women to don these bangles-those who can afford it
opt for silver-so that their arms do not get tanned. The men like it that
way. Children don't bother about the colour of their skins, but Bikhi
knows no childhood. She also knows her man is not worth the trouble yet
wears the bangles all the same. "He does not work," she says
matter-of-factly, adding that she is waiting for drought relief work to
begin so she can earn her daily wages.
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... As
part of the deal, Roshan Khan, 60, got Nihal Khan's daughter Bikhi,
11, for a wife. |
Mumtaj Ben, a social worker, is aghast. Why did
Rajasthan's men have to make life so hard for their women? "The Rajputs
used to kill their daughters at birth," she points out, "and
now the Muslims are robbing their girls of everything and letting them
die a slow death." From sati and dowry deaths, to infanticide and
life-long torture, it's always the woman who has been at the receiving
end in a hidebound, feudal society that worships manhood. Ironically,
when the practice of child marriage began many centuries ago, it was meant
to protect the girls. It was ostensibly evolved as a safeguard against
Muslim invasions during which young Hindu girls were carried away as part
of the booty. Over time it became a matter of convenience, not just for
the Hindus but also the Muslims in the region. Now the idea of earning
profits out of the girls has taken root.
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