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SOCIETY AND TRENDS: POLYANDRY
Family Bride
Underdevelopment and a badly skewed sex ratio has forced
the Gurjjars of Rajasthan to share a wife in the family and other communities
are following suit
By Rohit Parihar in Dang
Draupadi's marriage
to the five Pandavas may have been an anomaly in ancient times, but for
the Gurjjars of the Dang region in Rajasthan it is fast becoming a way
of life. Sarup of Verkai ka Pura village is married to Prem Singh Gurjjar,
28, eldest of nine brothers. The brothers take care of household chores
as Sarup is busy satisfying the sexual demands of her husband. And four
of his brothers. "Problem? There is none," she says with a smile.
"It's good to have so many males as long as they are from the same
bloodline."
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"It
is up to me which of my brothers-in-law I call to sleep with me."
Rama
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| NO CHOICE: Ram Sarup (left),
a mine labourer of Bada Gaon village, shares his brother Bachchu's
(right) wife Rama (centre). The third brother Ramji, a field labourer,
is also part of this odd arrangement which is now becoming common
amongst the Gurjjars. |
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Sarup knew the ground rules at the time of her
marriage. In recent years, unmarried brothers-in-law have begun to share
conjugal rights in the Gurjjar community in Dang as more and more youths
are unable to find brides. While the plains have tasted the fruits of
development, progress is yet to make its presence felt in the hills of
Dang. People eke out a living in a world where seeking transport, electricity,
employment, education, health centres, even potable water is asking for
too much.
Decades ago, the lack of development bred dacoits.
Now it is eating into the basic family structure in this barren land.
Those from the plains are not willing to wed their daughters to clansmen
living in the backward region. Adding to the problem is the fact that
the sex ratio in the area is one of the lowest in Rajasthan. In rural
Dholpur, which forms a large part of Dang, there are just 821 females
for every 1,000 males. The state average is 922. So brides have become
a prized possession in Dang, to be shared with less fortunate bachelor
brothers.
One of Prem Singh's younger brothers, 25-year-old
Saang Lal, married a minor girl Machla in February. She will stay with
her parents till she attains puberty. Till then, her groom will continue
sexual relations with Sarup. The brothers were lucky-they had two sisters,
who were married off in exchange for brides for the elder brothers. With
no more sisters around, Prem Singh has little hope of marrying off his
other brothers. "Only the rich who can pay at least Rs 50,000 can
hope to get a wife," he says. At times, some brothers pool money
to get one wife. And those who can't get a bride often turn to dacoity
out of frustration.
Dacoits of Dang have acquired proverbial fame
through the ages. The rocky region, bordering the Chambal river and spread
over Dholpur, Karauli, Sawai Madhopur and parts of Bharatpur districts,
is inhabited by about 20 lakh people. Says Salik Ram, 85, former MLA and
an influential Gurjjar leader: "The problem of unmarried youths compelled
to share the wife of a married brother has become endemic during the past
decade." He is seconded by other local leaders. "Only 20 per
cent of Gurjjar families in Dang have all their sons married," says
Vijay Singh Gurjjar, pradhan of Rajakhera village. Sidde Gurjjar, sarpanch
of Kherakar village, paints an even bleaker picture. "Only 15 per
cent of young men are getting married. We are extremely worried."
To be fair, the Gurjjars are themselves not
comfortable with the custom. Some try to brush it aside as "an understanding
within the family". But the practice is becoming too common to be
ignored. Urmilla married Ram Raja, 20, of Chandan ka Pura two years ago.
His elder brother Ram Sahay, 22, is yet to find a wife and of the four
younger siblings, two are of marriageable age. How many of them is Urmilla
supposed to sleep with? Says her mother-in-law Kalavati: "It is up
to Urmilla." Is it really a matter of choice? Rama, unlettered wife
of Bachchu Sarup, 28, of Bada Gaon village, certainly thinks so. "It
is up to me whom I call to sleep with me." Of her brothers-in-law,
Ram, 45, a miner, and Ramji, 30, a field labourer, she prefers the elder:
"He is the gentlest," she says coyly.
When it comes to household chores, the woman
certainly has a choice. Unmarried brothers have to do their share and
more. Giasi,18, has been waiting to marry but can't because his elder
brother Har Prasad, 20, is still unmarried. The eldest Ram Lakha, 25,
married Rama three years ago. "I have to cook despite my education
(he has studied up to class VIII)," complains Giasi. But Rama is
categorical, "I made it clear to them that either I can do this job
or that."
Though sharing a wife is considered to be a
matter of shame for the men, the need to have progeny makes it acceptable.
"The two of us have fathered seven children," says Puran Gurjjar
of Kherakar village, who shares his elder brother Lakhan's wife Meera.
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