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Tony Singh first came to the US on a three-month tourist visa. He fell prey to the charms of Manhattan and wanted to stay back. With his visa close to expiry, the enterprising 26-year-old Indian approached a divorced white-American woman and proposed marriage. The fact that she was 44 years old and had two kids to support did not deter him. He even struck a pecuniary relationship, wherein in exchange for $36,000 to be paid over four years, she would file for divorce. The deal went through, as did the pre-arranged divorce. Singh, now 33, is a prosperous limo driver. And also a US citizen.

Contrast this with Sumeet Prakash, who came to the US as a software engineer five years ago. Eligible for a green card and also inclined to get married, he recently flew down to India with the idea of doing the usual rounds of ladki dekho. The first girl he saw, Priyanka Verma, eventually ended up as his wife a week later. A fortnight later, both flew back to Seattle to set up house together.

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By all considered opinion, the first was an exception and the second, closer to the norm practised in the US-one, a marriage of convenience and the other a measured choice. The likes of Singh are rare, that not only cocked a snook at the institution of marriage, but also got past the Immigration and Naturalisation Service (INS).

According to state department officials, this would be rare and not the norm. "In order for someone to receive an immigration benefit based on marriage, immigration and counsellor officials have to be convinced that the marriage has not been entered into only for immigration purposes," says an official. "Every year our counsellor officials around the world and ins officials here deny immigration benefits to people whose marriages we believe are a sham."

Diaspora

SEAL OF APPROVAL The US citizen needs to submit a visa petition to the local INS office to prove that the marriage was not entered into for the sole purpose of obtaining a Green Card. The foreign-born spouse should submit an application for adjustment of status. The INS schedules an interview within two and 14 months. If it happens within 90 days, no work or travel permit will possibly be issued. If the wait exceeds 90 days, the relevant documents will be issued within a few weeks.

In the US, unlike in the UK, matrimony is never an issue of state focus. Even if there are stray cases, the authorities would let them remain exceptions-and perhaps tackle them within the existing rules-rather than pursue them to the extent that they end up violating an individual's privacy.

"I don't think such a measure would be well greeted in the US. It would be seen as an infringement on one's rights and tantamount to violating the sanctity of one's own rights," says Satveer Chaudhary, state senator in Minnesota and the highest-elected south Asian official in the nation.

There are others who point out that the differing demographics between the UK and the US also prevent instances like Singh's from becoming a trend. The bulk of the immigrant population in the US occupies the highest income strata.

"I don't think the US Government will ever do something like that. For one, it is an open society. Further, laws are more liberal and this is a multicultural society," says Bhisma Agnihotri, India's ambassador-at-large. "Also, most Indians are well educated and some are even part of the decision-making process"

Among the Indian Diaspora, the matrimonial practice is partly imbibed from India and mixed with the western value systems. Arranged marriages, though not the vogue, are still part of the mainstream. While the traditional form of arranged marriage is anathema, youngsters are not averse to trying out hybrid versions. "There are varying degrees of arranged marriages, just like there are in India-mere parental introductions to cases where neither may have seen each other before the wedding. My observations are based on the 16,000-odd Indians based in Minnesota. It is very difficult to generalise," says Chaudhary.

Arguing in the same vein, San Jose-based Srilatha Vassa, mother of a 19-year-old daughter, believes that it all depends on the individual. "I had an arranged marriage. But, I don't know whether this generation will go through it. They are not against arranged marriage, but it is not like the olden days." Vassa then goes on to relate the story of a family friend's daughter who conceded to look for a bridegroom from India even though she was born and brought up in the US. "She married a software engineer and now both are here. They had no problems adjusting with each other. They are doing well and just had a baby," says Vassa.

While it is difficult to generalise, there is a discernible trend among the Indians with H1-B visas. Very often, the prospective grooms prefer to go the way of arranged marriages with girls from India. Like Prakash. "Ours was a classic case," he says. "I went down to India and met Priyanka. It clicked and we got married within a week." The 26-year-old bride, who had just started out on a journalism career, had similar feelings. "Though, we had exchanged some e-mails earlier, the meeting was very formal. I had some initial apprehensions."

This is the established norm among their circle of friends in Seattle. "Most of them came out here married. And those who didn't, went back to India and got married. There are those who met up with Indian-American girls out here, but things didn't click. What I have found is that people who have gone to college here stand a better chance of meeting up with a life partner from the US. My own experience is that those coming to work here have ended up getting into arranged marriages," observes Prakash.

Their matrimonial experience is also a lesson on how one of the lesser known aspects of the immigration rules in the US operate. Marriage to a US citizen qualifies one for a green card. If the marriage occurs abroad, the green card petition must be filed through a US Consulate with jurisdiction over the applicant's place of residence. The procedures usually take between six to nine months to complete. Those who apply abroad must wait outside of the US during the entire processing period. As a result, many newly weds prefer to undertake the entire green card application process in the US so that they can live together and work while they patiently wait for the bureaucracy to grind out the green card approval notice.

In the case of Prakash, since his green card approval process was in the final stages, the task was even simpler. All he needed was to include his spouse's name before the authorities actually issued the card to him. They both got married in January and Priyanka joined Prakash in Seattle by early February. Had they waited till Prakash had got his green card, the wait out for Priyanka would have taken anywhere from six months to six years.

Women's activists say that while in most such cases arranged marriages do work out, they have also been witness to occasional stories where married women coming out of India have been subjected to domestic violence. "It all depends on the individual. Forced marriages don't work. We do know of cases where women have sought help because parents want to get them married. But there have also seen cases where it has worked," says Nadia Quiashi, an advocate with Manavi, a help group for south Asian women. "We know of instances where men have gone to India and married, even though they are dating somebody here. And when the girl comes here she is abandoned. There are no statistics to share, but we do get calls every year."

Even while the debate on arranged marriage continues, yet another phenomenon seems to be quietly taking roots in the US-the business of matrimonial portals. These websites, by directly targeting the potential bride and the groom, manage to cut out the atmospherics that precede an alliance which, in a US context, often turns out to be a clumsy and complicated exercise. A host of websites offering these facilities have survived the dotcom bust and have begun to chart a business of their own. Like arranged marriages, it is a primary tool for south Asians who have come to work abroad.

According to the US Census 2000, a large chunk of the Asian population is in the critical age ready for marriage. The biggest hump in the distribution of the Asian population-36 per cent-is within 25-44 years. Experts hazard that the Indian-American population structure should reflect a similar trend. This is a clear implication that there is no shortage of candidates heading for matrimony. It is anybody's guess as to how many of them will fall in line with tradition or opt to chart their own social course in their adopted lands.

(Some names have been changed to protect identity.)