Flipside: Moral Message

India Today
September 28, 1998

FLIPSIDE
Moral Message

Dilip Bobb

Those who live in White Houses shouldn't throw stones. That was the moral message which went out on the Internet to millions of people across the globe. Like the famous blue dress, it has stained Bill Clinton's reputation and undermined his authority. It's a little difficult to occupy the high moral ground with your pants down at your ankles. More crucial, all his future statements will lack credibility and be prone to double entendres. Here are some samples.

CTBT: Clinton's moral lectures to India and Pakistan to sign on the dotted line or else, will get short shrift in future, with the acronym having now acquired a totally different meaning. The latest interpretation, thanks to the intimate details provided by the Starr Report, is that it actually stands for the Cigar Tastes Better Test. Whether it actually does or not is still an open question, but it certainly does away with the need for humidors.

The Hot Line: The American President is fond of calling up other leaders like Nawaz Sharif when he is about to fire his missiles and warn them to keep their mouth shut about the conversation. He will have some difficulty doing that in future considering that the caller will be aware of his habit of speaking on the phone to important people while his concentration is on the state of other affairs.

Improving Relations: Consider the hilarity in New Delhi and Islamabad when the Americans next deliver their lecture on the state of Indo-Pak relations. Does the current state of play between the two countries amount to "improper relations?" Legally, that should be no cause for concern, specially now that such phrases are seen as pure sementics.

Imposing Sanctions: Instead of the US dictating sanctions on countries like India, Pakistan and Iraq, the more likely scenario is that the US Congress is likely to impose some on Bill Clinton. What those sanctions mean is a total cut-off on all access to aides. No secret service, except those authorised by the Congress, no more prayer meetings which require participants to go down on their knees. Also, more restrictions on the use of the White House staff. And, a proposed change in 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue's zip code.

Bill of Rights: Which forms the core of the American constitution and urges every American to indulge in the pursuit of happiness. The founding fathers, however, did not expect presidents to take this too literally and to such extremeties. The Bill will now require amendments considering that Clinton could well become the second American president to be brought down by Deep Throat.

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