Flip Side

India Today, December 21, 1998
Dec 28, 1998

FLIP SIDE
House Rules

Dilip Bobb

Now that the BJP Government's lease in the Lok Sabha has been renewed for another year, thanks to the incoming tenant Sonia Gandhi's decision to delay her occupation, it is time to set the House in order. The earlier political uncertainty had made it difficult to function properly. Last week, the All-Party Committee on Legislative Affairs met and drew up a code of conduct to be followed by members which will speed up the process of passing bills and show the electorate that they are truly the people's representatives. Here are the main proposals.

The Pakistan-bashing Bill: This is meant to eradicate the prevailing confusion about Pakistan's role in destabilising India, which currently embraces everything from faulty train tracks to unseasonal weather and the country's performance at the Asian Games. Henceforth, only Home Minister L.K. Advani will be allowed to blame the ISI for anything that goes wrong in the country, a job he is already doing with considerable enthusiasm and frequency. This will also help in curbing certain Shiv Sena MPs who believe that their contribution to Indian culture -- trashing cinema halls and similar places of ill repute -- is greater than Dilip Kumar's.

The Tearing Hurry Bill: So called because some Mulayam Singh Yadav and Kanshi Ram supporters feel that some bills are being pushed through in a tearing hurry, which explains their reaction to the Women's Reservation Bill when it was originally introduced. The new proposal is meant to ensure that such bills are passed without any bias or discrimination. The Lok Sabha will set up a special security force to counter the bill's opponents, headed by Mamata Banerjee. As her recent performance showed, this will guarantee that the passage will not be blocked and there is no more foot-dragging or hair-splitting.

The Standing Joke Bill: Also referred to as the Political Insurance Bill. This has been patented by the Congress and essentially perfects the fine art of saying yes and no at the same time, specially when there is the prospect of a mid-term election. The latest example is the Insurance Regulatory Authority Bill which the BJP Government is equally nervous about. The new proposal establishes a joint venture between the ruling party and the Congress which allows both parties to save face. In future, similar bills will be referred to a Standing Committee, also known as a Standing Joke, since it ensures that the bill is never passed in politically sensitive times.

The National Language Bill: Another long-standing proposal which has been hanging fire and brimstone, specially in legislatures such as Bihar. Though the official language it is spoken in is Hindi, there is some confusion as to whether certain phrases used by chief ministers like Rabri Devi can be considered part of the official proceedings or termed Irrational Language. State governors are up in arms over the development. The new proposal envisages a code of misconduct to prevent further instances of Lingua Fracas.

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