Columns: Flipside

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India Today, March 29, 1999
March 29, 1999

FLIPSIDE
The BJP Bash

By Dilip Bobb

It's clearly a sign of the political times. The fact that a government is planning an elaborate, expensive anniversary bash to celebrate having survived one year in power is an indication that coalitions and longevity are not quite compatible. The fact that it has chosen a deer park as the venue is equally not lost on those who keep tabs on the list of endangered species. However, since there are rumours that Prime Minister A.B. Vajpayee is in no mood to celebrate, the show has been somewhat modified by event manager Pramod Mahajan and Disassociates. Here's a preview of the planned events:

Doordarshan's Sports Channel: Will be formally launched. Under pressure from the swadeshi lobby, the planned cricket match has been cancelled because of its English origins. Instead, there will be a day-and-night kabaddi match between the Jayalalitha Jumpers and the Mamata Maulers. No one will be allowed to wear stiletto heels to avoid taxing the players. The winning side will be given bonus points, redeemable during the next political crisis. Referee will be George Fernandes.

The Lahore Bus Karo: As the singular highlight of the BJP's one year in power, the famous Lahore Bus will be put on display for all those who missed it the first time around, including L.K. Advani. The Pakistani pop group Junoon has been asked to compose a special song called Dosti, while Dev Anand and Shatrughan Sinha will provide a running commentary to recreate the historic event called Add Nauseam.

Sound and Light Show: Basically meant to describe the BJP's year in power, i.e., lots of sound for a lightweight government. The show, organised by the I&b Ministry, will project the main successes of the government over the past year. Attendees are requested to be in their seats by the allotted time. A delay of a few seconds means the show could be over -- since it only lasts a few seconds.

Beating the Retreat: As on Republic Day, a popular event characterised by the roll of drums, the sight of smart about-turns and stirring martial music. The BJP's anniversary version, specially composed by Yashwant Sinha for the party's allies, is called "Abide With Me" and is also characterised by smart about-turns popularly called rollbacks.

Women's Empowerment: Another of the government's pet projects, like the Women's Reservation Bill, the show will project all that the government has done to empower women and give them a bigger say in day-to-day affairs. Guest speakers will include Sonia Gandhi, Jayalalitha, Mamata Banerjee and Rabri Devi. However, an invitation to Maneka Gandhi was mysteriously withdrawn at the last minute.

The Millennium Mela: Also known as the Big Top or the Height of Optimism, it presumes that the party will still be in power the following year and lists the promises it will fulfil during the millennium. Strangely, the list bears a suspicious resemblance to the original promises made when the party came to power. In political circles, this is also known as the Y2K bug.

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