They say, 'Jab uparwallah deta hai, to chhappar phad ke deta hai.' Going by the same logic, 'Jab uparwallah leta hai, to chhappar phad ke leta hai.' This is the story of a guy who was betrayed and ditched by the person he loved the most in his life. This is the story of my life.

In May 1998, I was preparing for my ICSE board exams. At that time, I joined a tutorial where they taught you all the subjects. There I met my first love-Prerna (her name has been changed to protect privacy). Since we were in different sections, it was hard for us to talk. But somehow, friendship grew and we became pretty good pals.

Then came that fateful day. I still remember the date, it was December 6. We were chatting before classes started. Suddenly, she pulled out a slam book and asked me to fill it in. I could see that it was brand new and I asked her about it. She said that she wanted me to fill it in. I did so and forgot about it. Later that day, one of her school friends who also came to the same tutorial, called me out from my Biology class and told me that Prerna had fallen in love with me. I was stunned! I just managed to mutter 'oh' before heading back to class.

I was never girl crazy, I did not even have any romantic inclination for any girl I had met. I went home and mulled over the proposal. It wasn't that she wasn't good to look at; on the contrary, she was beauty personified. She was intelligent, too. She went on to get 809 marks in the ICSE and became the school captain in class 12. It was just that I did not know whether I was ready for such a relationship.

After about a week of thinking, I decided to call her up. I told her that her friend Neha had told me something very nice. I told her that if it was a joke, then it was in very good taste. And that if it wasn't, then it was the nicest thing I had ever heard. She replied, saying that it was not a joke and that she was very serious about me. I accepted her proposal, something I most certainly regretted later. So that's how our relationship got underway. That day was December 11, 1998.

Over the next couple of months I gradually fell in love with her. She had shoulder length hair that would leave me dumbstruck when sunlight would play on it. She had black-brown eyes that sparkled with mischief when she laughed. She had the roundest pair of cheeks you could imagine and her lips were like rose petals. On a couple of occasions we got physical and I realized that not only was her face pretty, but she was sexually attractive, too. She was a fantastic kisser. Each one of her kisses left me wanting more. Gradually, I fell in love with her until she was all I could think of.

All this was around the time of my board exams and was a big distraction from my studies. Consequently, I did not do as well as I had thought I would-my mistake, obviously. She fared better than I and was very proud of it, too.

The period of time between December 1998 and May 1999 was one of my happiest. I had a girlfriend who was the cynosure of all eyes, a person who would make heads turn when she would walk down the road, a person who was envied by all the girls. Our ICSE reports came out in May 1999 and all hell broke loose.

Occasionally, she would talk about her ex-boyfriend who had left her because of family problems. Apart from that I knew very little about her past. She would also talk about other guys who were her friends. I am a Leo and, hence, very possessive. But I figured that it was normal and did not pay much attention to it. One day, an old school friend of hers called me up and we had a long chat regarding Prerna's past life. Her friend told me about the string of boyfriends she had had and how I was the latest in a long line of broken hearts. Naturally, I objected to this, saying that it could not be true and that all these were simply rumours.

In the first few months of class 11, I came across a person who had joined our school recently and who knew Prerna vaguely. When I asked him about her, the first thing he said was 'prostitute'. Although he was a new classmate and a good friend. I blew my top at him and we nearly exchanged blows.

I was a troubled guy. I didn't know what to think. Imagine the person you love the most being called a whore. I most certainly did not agree with him. Nonetheless, what her friend told me and her description by her school friend left me ill at ease. I decided to confront her with it.

When I asked her about her past, she shrugged it off saying that it was not important. However, when I mentioned the name of her ex-boyfriends (the whole list), she became quiet and unresponsive. That was when the downslide started.

She became less communicative. She would hardly call me up. Even when I did, she would hang up after talking for 5-10 minutes. The sweet nothings she would earlier whisper over the telephone were gone. She stopped saying 'I love you'. I asked her if something was wrong and she said that she was just going through a rough patch and that everything would be all right later on. I offered my support and reassurance, but she was hardly bothered.

On June 3, I had gone to her house for a visit. Her mood was colder than ever. When I was leaving, she handed me a letter, asking me to open it only after I had reached home. While I was walking home I opened the letter thinking that it would be some sort of an explanation for her indifferent and cold behaviour. Instead, I found that she did not wish to continue this relationship anymore and that she wanted us to part ways. In short, she ditched me.

In all my eighteen years of unbearable existence, I had never been so shattered. I just stood there on the road with the letter in my hand. I was numb to the outside world. I nearly got myself run over. It started raining, but I just stood there, getting wet. People stared at me as if I was some sort of madman. Somehow I reached home and immediately came down with high fever. The next day, I called her up. I pleaded with her to stay. I begged her to give me a second chance. But she didn't relent. I finally broke down into tears, something I don't do easily. She hung up. That was the last time I spoke to her.

It was as if I had become a lifeless shell. As if the very cause of my existence had been taken away. I lost all appetite for life and even thought of suicide. But then I thought of my family and did not do it. Slowly, I put together whatever pieces of my life I had left. I became more confident of myself and my life came back to normal. Well, it would never be the same again, but I somehow managed to pull myself through the crisis.

It was much later when I spoke to some of my friends from her school that I found out that she had been going around and dating three other guys behind my back. I knew these guys, she used to talk about them quite a lot. I realized how she had completely two-timed me throughout. The depression I was going through turned into hatred, a deep burning rage. That was in July 1999. Since then I haven't looked back and the anger, too, has subsided somewhat. Life goes on, it always does. And so it did for me. I have managed to forgive her, but I haven't forgotten what she did to me. I probably never will.

I have a new girlfriend now. We have been going steady for the past 15 months or so and she is the most innocent and naive little creature you could ever come across. She comes across like a breath of fresh air. My relationship with Prerna may be in the past, but the scars remain. Whenever my girlfriend talks of her other guy friends, I become really hyper. I have become over-possessive to a huge extent. I am really insecure about my present relationship. I live in constant fear of being ditched again. Although my girlfriend constantly reminds me that she will be by my side always, because of my insecurity I fail to trust anyone anymore.

After nearly two years of being ditched, the memories still haunt me, I still get nightmares about being left alone. Hats off to my girlfriend, she has managed to stick with a total nutcase like me. I can only wait and hope that this relationship will get over only when one of us passes away. That's all I can do-wait and hope.

Arjya Bir Majumdar, Kolkata