I was hauled over to the police station. There, I was physically and mentally assaulted. They abused my mother and my family and they were passing comments on Queen's character!

I was an above average student in class 10. I had secured good grades, too, but since my aim was to join the IAS, I joined the arts stream instead of science in class 11. Those days I was swept away by the hotel management craze. I got involved in preparing for the hotel management entrance exams, due to which I had to neglect my regular studies. As a result, I secured a third division in class 12.

Suddenly, I found everyone avoiding me. This hurt me a lot and I decided to do BA (English Literature Hons). By this time, all my friends had gone away to different cities to attend college, but I got into V D College, Jeypore. I was doing well at studies but living a lonely life until April 2000. On April 14, my address was published in the pen-friends column of a newspaper. I was flooded with letters. Amongst those was a letter from a girl called Queen. She was preparing for engineering entrances. She made it through entrance and took admission in a college in Rayagada, 130 kms from my town. Our pen-friendship then turned into phone friendship. I used to call her twice a week and tell her my problems. She, too, did the same.

In January 2001, I realized that I was in love-in love with somebody I had never seen, not even a picture. I had this weird idea in my head that she might be thinking that she is better than me since she was studying Computer Engineering and I, English. Also, she was four months older than I. On January 18, I got these doubts cleared and then proposed to her. Queen replied in the negative. She said that she can't say yes without having ever seen me. I decided to go see her on February 4. I went there with my mother's permission; I lied to my dad, who is a strict disciplinarian. I went to her hostel and with the superintendent's permission, I took her out. She was very beautiful, much more than I had expected. She took me to a nearby temple, where there was an isolated spot. We sat there and talked about our colleges and our lives. Everything was going right till a police vehicle came along.

They asked us for identification. When I told them that I was from a decent family and my father was an officer, they thought that I was being rude to them. I was arrested. Queen was dropped to her hostel. When asked, the superintendent told the police that she had let me take Queen out because she had thought I was her brother. But she knew that I was not. I was hauled over to the police station, and was physically and mentally assaulted. They abused my family and started passing comments on Queen's character. I kept my head down and did not react because I did not want Queen to get into any kind of trouble. The police tried to contact my father, but he was not in his office. When this message was given to him he tried to call me, but could not get through as all STD lines were down.

Meanwhile, at the Rayagada police station, I was constantly praying to God to get me out of that hell. I touched the feet of the officers there, put their shoes on my head to let them know that I had no bad intentions towards Queen. It was mere bad luck that we were at that isolated spot. After intense interrogation, the police released me at 11 pm. I reached Jeypore the next day and proposed to Queen for the second time. She answered in the negative once again. I said it was okay and that we could continue as friends, but actually I was very hurt and upset inside.

At home everyone treated me like I was a criminal. I went to Queen for support, but she, too, wanted to end the relationship. She never wrote to me or called me after that. I called her up several times, but the people at the hostel never let me talk to her. Today, I'm suffering. I think I am on my way to becoming mad. I've attempted suicide thrice, but each time, I survived. I'm not able to sleep even after taking sleeping pills. I've decided to die.

Before I die, I want to tell that girl that I really loved her from the depths of my heart. I'm still waiting for her, and will wait till my last day. One day she will surely miss me. The thing that troubles me the most is that I had to bow my head to those people for her. I wish her all the best for her future and I wish that one day she will understand my love.