should girls date younger Guys? Study, study, study, daddy's watching you! Life without
father. A bullybro who beats his mom and sis. Yetch! Four weirdos and a scary 5 girls'
club. Love and longing, long distance...
My father died a few years ago and since then life for all of us has been tough. The void in my heart because of my father's loss is indescribable. It hurts when I think about him and everything we did when he was alive. However, my real problem is when my friends talk about their fathers. Poor things, I don't think they realise it, but when they say things like, "I miss daddy, he'll only be coming back next week", I feel terribly unhappy because I think of my father and of how lucky they are to have a father at all. I can't expect them to stop all daddy-talk when I'm around. But I feel so upset when I have to use words like "I used to" or "he would" when I talk about my father. This makes my friends look pityingly at me, so I feel even more alone and wretched. I'm afraid, one day I'll break down in front of them and they'll feel even worse than I do. I can't go on like this. Please help me.
A teenager
Losing a much-loved father hurts. Not least, because it seems so unjust. "Why me?" you ask-but there's no answer. You must have been a little girl when he died-too young to know how to handle the pain of living without him when you needed him most. The pain of that injustice haunts you still. Nothing can fill the huge void he left in your life. But nothing can take away the happy times you shared with him, either. Turn those happy times into your own secret place. A warm place to escape to when things get too much for you. Then, when your friends talk about their fathers-listen to them. Don't be sad. Just think of your secret place and smile at the wonderful memories your father left you with. In time, when the pain grows less-and it will-you'll be able to talk about him.
I am an 18-year-old girl doing Eco (H) IInd year. I have always been an average student, but my parents have impossibly high expectations of me. This causes problems, especially with my dad. He wants me to rise early, sleep late, not to talk to anybody, and sit at my study table mugging all the time. He even says I should eat my meals while sitting at my study table! If I take a break he glares at me, scolds my mother and my younger brother and there's tension in the whole house. Because of this, I can't study properly. It's difficult to concentrate and my mind starts wondering. My dad keeps comparing me with "more intelligent children" like my girl cousin who's in class XII. This further demoralises me. Please help.
S M
It's a proven fact that the brain can only take two hours solid work at a stretch. After that concentration fails. So your dad is actually reducing your performance levels by insisting that you spend every waking hour glued to your study table. Maybe you can't tell him "all work and no play makes Jill a dull girl"-but your class teacher, family doctor, or an older and wiser friend or relative can-and should, once they know what you're going through. As for getting demoralised by his comments-don't! Comparisons are odious at the best of times and should never be taken seriously. All they do is show up the comparer's limitations.
I am a 15-year-old girl. I have a 14-year-old brother, and a mother who gets drunk almost every night. My dad died years ago, and my mom is totally depressed which has lead to her drinking habit. It's not her drinking habit that bothers me-I can handle it. The problem is that my brother is physically stronger than my mom and he beats her when she's drunk. They have arguments and fights about the most stupid things every day and it's terrible for me to just keep watching, unable to do anything, since my brother can beat the crap out of me too. Earlier I used to intervene and he would beat me up. I don't know what the hell to do. Help!
A teenager, Chandigarh
Your brother is a pain in the proverbial place! What are we going to do about him? Let me just say what a gutsy girl you are. And mature too-unlike your bullybro. If your mom can afford it, how would it be if your brother is admitted to a really tough boarding school? Unless there's someone bigger and tougher who can 'beat the crap' out of him, this seems to be the only workable solution. There's nothing like a boarding school to cut bullies down to size. Ask your mom to give it a try.
I am a pretty, 16-year-old girl studying in a girls' college. I really wanted to join a 5-member college club which needed a fifth member. I applied, and got in. After joining the club I found out that the other four members are lesbians. All four of them have made advances to me at different times. I've fended them off so far but I don't know how long I can go on fending them off. I've tried leaving the club, but they won't let me go because they think I'll blab to someone about it. The club is approved by the college as it does a lot of organising work for them. Nobody outside the club knows what happens inside it, and they wouldn't believe me anyway because the other members are well respected in college. What do I do? Please help?
SGS
When you say 'they won't let you go' do you mean 'they' use physical force to make you stay on in the club? If not, let them think what they like and simply leave it. They can't make you do anything you don't want to do. If they are using force, they shouldn't get away with it. You'll have to tell your parents, your teachers, your principal or your friends what these 'well-respected' collegians are up to and let them deal with it. There are four of them, and only one of you-you can't handle physical force on your own.
I am a 17-year-old girl. A 23-year-old guy, I've been going steady with for two years, loves me more than anything else in the world. He helped me in every way he can and never forced me to do anything I don't want to do. We even dated very seldom so that no one would speak ill of me. A few months ago he went to the US for higher studies. We keep in touch although he has to mail me at his friends' address as my family is very conservative. He keeps complaining when he phones-mostly, that I don't write regularly or my letters are too short. I find all this very irritating. I sometimes feel that, like me, he may want us to break up because he is a Sikh, I am a Hindu and my parents won't allow me to marry him. But when I read his letters I can't even think of leaving him. I love him very much. But I want to know if I should carry on this beautiful relationship or break it off.
S A, Amritsar
If there's no chance at all of your family allowing you to marry this guy, I'd say, think in terms of breaking it off eventually. You can't fight a religious bias like this, without turning your back on your family--permanently. And nowhere have you mentioned that this is what you want to do. If I'm right, then no matter how beautiful this relationship is, you'll have to kiss any permanent involvement goodbye. I get the feeling that both you and your friend have arrived at this conclusion too. But in the meantime, keep in touch. Grab whatever happiness you can-long-distance and impermanent though it may be.
Mine is not a peculiar problem but it bothers me a lot. I am 17 years old. There's this 16-year-old guy in my tuition class whom I really like. He has asked me for a date twice but I turned him down. Won't it seem odd to date a younger guy (though he looks at least 18 years old)? Now he has asked me for a date again and I really don't know what to do as I don't want to disappoint or hurt him. Help!
A teenager
What's in a year, hunhh? He's 16, you're 17-no big deal if you like him and he likes you! Even more so when he looks 'at least 18 years old'. It's not as if he's walking around with a big placard saying I'm a year younger than my date! I'd say, go for it! If you don't enjoy dating each other you can stop. After all, you'll only be dating him, not marrying him! Not for a good long time, anyway.
